when i email

someone its like sending a pointless message into the void. its always a huge surprise to get a reply, but it never feels like a person typed it. it makes my mind feel like an empty room. i really want to go thru a phase of perfectionism. i stopped being a vegetarian on sunday and i blame it on after-work frivolity. burritos are good.

i want human

i want for humans to contact me
i want people to look at my blog and click my name
and look at my blogger profile and find my email address and contact me

i could

be a nun or
a vestal virgin at least
to take the blame
from me

i could walk around
thinking: what is
sexual deviance

i could let myself be vulnerable
and taken
or experience eternal vivacity

i think i am an

artist who is unable to live without a woman. i need a muse.

i hate new years

these are the things I need right now to feel better -
1.) a haircut
2.) alcohol poisoning (worst way to die)
3.) the opposite of alone
4.) sketch book
5.) camera

i think i have not

ever pursued anyone who is exactly what i want. i am afraid to pursue those who seem like an ideal partner. i settle for less than. those i have actually pursued have been damaged somehow. those who are not damaged probably would not respond to me. it is no wonder how each of these relationships failed. two broken hearts attempting to be as one, instead of two individuals who love one another.

anatomical snuffbox

how insignificant is the thing that i am when i exist alone as one human body,
but if there were another body along with me i could then
be a thing visible to your optic nerves.
my transparency is profound.